Interview with Santa Claus

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am honored to present a very special interview that I had with the world's most famous toymaker and deliverer.  You know him as Santa Claus, but just about every country in the world has its own name for him.  I asked Santa your questions, and he graciously answered them.  Without further ado, the jolly old elf from the North Pole.

ME: Good morning, Santa.  How are you today?

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  I'm fine, young man.  And how are you?

ME: Fine thanks.  Let's get right to the readers' questions, Santa.

SANTA: Very good!  As you know, I'm used to answering questions.  I get them from kids and adults all the time. 

ME: Great.  Let's start with the basics.  Where and when were you born? 

SANTA: I was born in the Turkish city of Patara in the year 270.  It was a beautiful port city on the Mediterranean coast.  I have wonderful memories of that place.

ME: Wow.  So that means you're over 1,700 years old?  How is that possible? 

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  Yes, indeed, I am on the old side.  Many have wondered how I've lived so long.  The secret is milk and cookies. 

ME: With all due respect, Santa, that sounds a bit hard to believe.  I mean, milk and cookies aren't exactly the healthiest foods.  It's hard to see how they alone would allow a man to live as long as you have. 

SANTA: Well, you're quite right, Jimmy.  The real answer to your question is the same as the answer to the question about how I'm able to deliver presents to over two billion children.  I honestly don't know why I'm still alive or why I can do what I do, but I believe that I'm here for a purpose and that until I've fulfilled my purpose, I'll continue to make children everywhere as happy as I can.

ME: Fair enough.  Now, Santa, how did you get into the toy delivery business and how has your job changed over the last, er, 1,700 years? 

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  My parents were well-to-do members of the community, but they died when I was young, so my uncle, who was the bishop of Patara, raised me.  He got me involved with the Catholic church, and I enjoyed my time there.  I eventually became a priest and did all that I could to fulfill my desire to help those less fortunate than me, especially children.  Over the years, as people learned about my work, demand increased across the world, so I needed to come up with a global system for delivering gifts to children.  That's when I trekked far north so I could build essentially my own town where brave, industrious elves helped me fulfill demand.  It's turned out to be quite an enterprise.

ME: I'll say.  How do you deliver toys to an ever-increasing number of children while the number of hours each Christmas Eve remain the same? 

SANTA: I'd tell you, Jimmy, but then Jack Frost would have to chill you.  Ho ho ho!

ME: [laughs]  Nice North Pole joke there, Santa.  I'm guessing you don't have an answer as to how you deliver toys to an increasing number of kids all over the world?

SANTA: I'm afraid not.  If I did, I'd tell you.  All I can say is that once I leave the North Pole with the reindeer, I stop at billions of homes, settlements, teepees, trailers, tenements, and other dwellings all throughout the night.  I'm tired when I come home, but for me, I don't feel any worse than someone would after a regular eight-hour day at work.

ME: That's just extraordinary, Santa.  Just thinking about visiting 100 homes a night sounds daunting to me, never mind over a billion.  What keeps your job interesting to you?

SANTA: Well, it certainly isn't the pay.  Ho ho ho!  A little more North Pole humor for you.  Honestly, it's how happy the presents make the children.  That's what motivates me.  I get millions of letters, e-mails, texts, phone calls, faxes, and other forms of communication every year, and they never cease to delight me.  Making children happy is what I was born to do.  It's in my DNA.

ME: Before you go, Santa, what are some of the most memorable years that you've delivered presents during? 

SANTA: Oh gosh.  The most memorable times, I think, were some of the most harrowing.  Going back to my earliest days, I remember the declining Roman influence throughout Europe in the 300s and 400s and the subsequent invasions of the Germanic tribes for several hundred years afterwards.  Then there were the Crusades that brought a lot of socioeconomic turmoil to Europe.  Even though I was a priest of the church for a long time, I wholly opposed war, even if its purpose was supposedly holy.  Later came the Black Plague, which wiped out at least 1/3 of Europe's population, in the mid-1300s.  What an awful time that was.  I remember the Hundred Years' War that raged on into the fifteenth century.  Things improved a bit for a while in the 1400s and 1500s, but I remember the 1600s being another unsettling time.  The exploration of America, wars all over Europe and the Middle East, and the slow decline of Christianity helped make the world a more insecure place.  There have been plenty of wars over the last 400 years, but none were worse than the World Wars of the twentieth century.  By that time, I was delivering toys worldwide.  Travel was so dangerous during those years that I had to avoid certain areas for fear of being shot down by airplanes or tanks.  It was an incredibly frightening time.

ME: Unbelievable.  You're a living time machine, Santa, and you've seen more than the rest of the world combined.  Do you have a Christmas message for all the readers out there?

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  Certainly.  All I ask is that people treat each other with respect and courtesy every day of the year, not just on Christmas.  Remember that life is short and we are all weak, so be the best person you can to your fellow beings, even if they don't always reciprocate your kindness.  Some people feel disillusioned around Christmastime because they don't associate with its religious nature or commercial orientation.  I can't deny the religious and commercial thrust of Christmas, but I think those people should try to think of it more as a period of reflection on the rest of the year and their future.  It is a time to think about where we've been and where we would like to go.  It is a time to reflect on humanity and all of the great gifts that have been bestowed upon us, even those who greatly suffer.  There is always something to be thankful for, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.  Christmas is the season of light, a bright spot in an otherwise dreary month.  Why go out of your way to shun a holiday because it is popular?  Christmas is a time for us to open our shut-up hearts, as Charles Dickens said in his lovely Christmas Carol.  We are all fellow passengers to the grave.  Instead of fighting and plotting against each other, why not work together for the common good?  Only then can we make the kind of progress on so many fronts that we hope to achieve.  Every year that is my Christmas wish.  Things are improving, but not fast enough.  1,700 years has given man great technology and more knowledge, but he still struggles with how to treat his fellow man.

Me: Well, thank you for the words of wisdom, Santa.  It's been a genuine pleasure talking to you.

Santa: My pleasure, Jimmy.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the workshop.  I only have about a month to wrap things up before the big day next month!  Ho ho ho!

Me: Of course.  Merry Christmas, Santa!

Santa: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!