Holiday Spirit

Halloween is over.  A chill is in the air, but it's not because of Count Dracula or endless political commercials.  Winter air is sweeping across the East Coast.  That means Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far behind.

In fact, Thanksgiving is only two weeks away!  Wow.  I don't know of too many Thanksgiving movies, but "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" has to be the best.  You can't beat John Candy and Steve Martin racing to return home in time for turkey.

Then there's Christmas.  Perhaps due to oversaturation of the airwaves last year, local radio stations have chosen not to play Christmas music yet.  It's a bit surprising, given how more and more stations across the country play jingle bells earlier each year, but I can understand the reasoning.  We're seeing plenty of TV and Internet ads featuring twinkling lights and tinkling bells to sell us the holiday in style and comfort.

With Christmas in mind, I'm working on a new story about a North Pole lawyer, Bramwell Winterbottom.  Law and Christmas share at least one common thread - they are heavily based in tradition and are slow to change.  The legal principle of stare decisis means that law builds incrementally upon previous decisions and statutes.  It can take decades or centuries for laws or legal concepts to change.  Likewise, Christmas has deep traditions like decorative trees and carols that go back centuries.  Don't fix something that isn't broken, right?

That's all for now.  Time to hunker down with another Dickens Christmas classic: Cricket on the Hearth!

2014!

Another new year.  Why do they come so fast?  Time must slow down.  2013 was a remarkable year like every other, but it was also a time for reflection. 

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time turned 15 on November 23rd (in the US anyway).  It's my second favorite Zelda game next to Majora's Mask, its sequel.  Time after time I return to the music of Ocarina and feel like I'm a teenager all over again.  I first played the game in summer 1999 after my brother rented it from a now-closed video store.  The game became an addiction until I beat it a few months later.  1999 was when I started high school and also when my grandmother died.  Ocarina reminds me of that bittersweet year, The Matrix and all.

Some other game birthdays arose in 2013.  Mario Bros. turned 30.  Mega Man 2 turned 25 on Christmas Eve.  MM2 is another amazing game that reminds me of my elementary school years.  A friend gave me his old NES system in fifth grade and I loved it, even though the system was a decade-old at the time.  I have always been behind the times with technology, with the exception of GameCube, which I bought on its release day.

I think the best we can do each year is improve our finances, health, and relationships with others.  There's nothing miraculous or earth-shattering in such modest goals, but they make a difference.  Life also has a way of surprising us as well.

I am glad to see that the country is slowly recovering from the recession of 2007, but we have a long way to go.  There is so much to be done that we can never hope to do it all in a lifetime.  That shouldn't stop us from trying, though.  Until next time... 

Fritzgerald, Christmas Elf-in-Chief

Fritzgerald, Christmas Elf-in-Chief

            Everyone knows who Santa Claus is.  He’s the jolly old elf who lives in the North Pole and delivers toys to children all over the world.  Someone you may not know, however, is one of Santa’s top elves: Fritzgerald Figgypudding.  Fritzgerald, or “Fritz” to his friends, looks just like any old elf with pointed ears, a short stature, and a high-pitched voice, but unlike the other elves, Fritzgerald is the oldest and most trusted of Santa’s agents.  The following tale is about how Fritzgerald helped Santa save Christmas. 

November 25^th.  5:30 a.m.  Santa’s House. 

            Santa woke up one late autumn morning that seemed like any other day.  After eating his oatmeal breakfast and donning his traditional red and white suit, he sat down in his study to check e-mail messages.  Among his routine correspondence were updates from toy production managers, retail store presidents, and other advisors who informed Santa about market trends and product availability.

Suddenly, without warning, Santa’s elf phone rang. 

            “Santa, it’s Fritzgerald,” Santa’s elf-in-chief announced.

            “Good morning, Fritzgerald!” Santa exuberantly proclaimed.  “How are things?”

            “Bad news from North America, I’m afraid” Fritzgerald lamented.  “The United States Postal Service has gone on strike.  That means no mail delivery.”

            “Oh ho ho no!” St. Nick blubbered.  “What’s the meaning of all this striking when Christmas is just a month away!  The three weeks after Thanksgiving are when I receive most of my Christmas lists from children around the world!”   

            “I know, Santa,” Fritzgerald sighed.  “The United States Congress has cut spending across the board to reduce its national debt.  Unfortunately, the Postal Service was one of the departments hardest hit by the cuts.  To protest the cuts, the Postal Service has closed post offices across the country until further notice.  This has never happened before in American history.”

            Santa stroked his snow-white beard in anxious contemplation. 

            “Oh dear,” the unjolly old elf puzzled.  “Almost half of the world’s mail comes from the US.  If mail delivery doesn’t continue soon, I won’t be getting many Christmas lists, and that will make for millions of unhappy children who will wake up Christmas morning with nothing under their Christmas trees.  I can’t bear the thought of Christmas being ruined because of pointless political games.” 

            Santa sighed and paused.  Indeed, nothing like this had ever happened before.  Santa had faithfully delivered toys to children around the world for over 1,600 years.  Many events occurred throughout the centuries to stymie his good work, though nothing on the magnitude of a strike by the United States’ entire postal service.  With over 500 million pieces of mail processed each day at over 31,000 offices across the country, the US Postal Service was a global parcel juggernaut that Santa had come to rely on since its founding in 1775.  Santa worked closely with the Service’s first Postmaster General, Benjamin Franklin, to ensure the speedy delivery of children’s Christmas lists to the North Pole from 1775 onward. 

            “Fritzgerald, what should we do?  If I don’t start receiving lists by December 1^st, it will be impossible for our elves to prepare the toys necessary for all the children of the world.  Every day we don’t receive lists we fall behind by hundreds of thousands of orders.”

            Fritzgerald scratched his bald head as he sucked on a candy cane.  The old elf-in-chief had reduced his candy cane habit from three boxes a day to just one.  However, after today, he was almost certain that his candy cane consumption would dramatically increase until the post office crisis, or Christmas, ended, whichever came first. 

            “Well, Santa, I think the first thing we should do is inform the entire workshop of this dilemma.  An informed workforce is an empowered workforce.  Second, I think I should go to Washington, DC and personally address the President and congressional leaders.  Third, if diplomacy fails, I think we should seriously consider deploying the Elf Emergency Postal Response Team that we planned in the 1860s during the American Civil War.”

            “Oh!” Santa perked up.  “I had totally forgotten about EEPRT.  Ho ho ho!  That was your idea, wasn’t it?”

            “Yes, sir!” Fritzgerald smiled.  “Of course, we never had to deploy the plan, so the details are rusty, but I will have my assistant find the old manuals right away.  In the meantime, I will assemble all the elves at 0700 hours so you can address them.”

            “Thank you, Fritzgerald,” Santa sighed with some relief.  “You’re spot on, as always!”

            “My pleasure, Santa.  Fritzgerald over and out.”

November 25^th.  7:00 a.m.  Santa’s Workshop – Auditorium. 

            100,000 elves convened in the spacious gathering hall of Santa’s Workshop after hearing Fritzgerald’s loudspeaker announcement about an important address from Santa.  The elves took their seats and patiently awaited their boss’s arrival.  At 7:01 a.m., Santa came huffing onto the auditorium stage and stood before a podium with a microphone.

            “My fellow elves, I have some news that concerns us all.  Do not be upset right now, because what I am about to say will not immediately impact us.  However, if the problem continues beyond this week, then we will have to start worrying.  The United States Postal Service has gone on strike.  None of its offices will be processing or delivering mail.”

            A deafening sea of gasps and chatter arose like a clatter.  Santa threw up his arms to calm the multitude.

            “Please, everyone!  Be calm.  As we speak, Elf-In-Chief Fritzgerald is on his way to the United States to speak with the President and congressional leaders.  I have high hopes that Fritzgerald will talk some sense into America’s politicians.  If that doesn’t work, however, I will have no choice but to deploy our Elf Emergency Postal Response Team, or EEPRT.  EEPRT has never been used before, but if we do have to deploy it, I expect that each and every one of you will do what you can to ensure the safe and timely delivery of Christmas lists to the North Pole so that we can make and gather Christmas toys for every child!” 

            The elves broke out in cheer and applause.  Many of them had never heard of EEPRT because it was a top secret emergency project that Santa and Fritzgerald hatched some 150 years ago but never had to use.  In fact, Santa and Fritzgerald never had to train a single elf on EEPRT because no matter what crises befell the United States, the Postal Service was always able to deliver the mail. 

            After the announcement, Santa dismissed his energized workers, who returned to their workshop stations and labored as busily as ever, though they were now a bit fearful of the future.  As Santa watched the green-garbed crowd filter out the exits, he thought of Fritzgerald and hoped that diplomacy would work.  There was no guarantee that deploying EEPRT with Christmas one month away would be a success.  If anything, it would be tremendously risky and would deprive Santa’s workshop of many workers who were needed to replenish the backlogged toy demand. 

            “Good luck, Fritzgerald,” Santa said to himself.  “We’re all counting on you.”

November 25^th.  9:15 a.m.  The White House.

            Thanks to Rudolph’s steady sense of direction and a little help from quantum mechanics, Fritzgerald arrived at The White House shortly after his call with Santa that morning.  However, Fritzgerald had to wait several hours before he could meet with the President, who was naturally a busy man.  While he waited to meet the President, Fritzgerald reviewed the EEPRT manuals he brought with him.  By the time the old elf had refreshed his memory with all the plan’s details, the President was ready to see him.  A White House aide brought Fritzgerald into the Oval Office where the President stood staring out the large window behind his desk. 

            “Good morning, Mr. President,” Fritzgerald said to the Commander-In-Chief.

            “Good morning, Fritzgerald,” the President warmly replied to the Elf-In-Chief.  “How are you?”

            “I wish I could say well, sir, but I am deeply concerned about the postal strike.  My fellow elves, especially Santa, are worried that we won’t receive all the children’s Christmas lists in time for the big day.”

            “I understand, Fritzgerald.  House Speaker Bender and Senate Majority Leader Rod are waiting outside.  Allow me to bring them in,” the President said. 

            The wise elf nodded and awaited the other guests.

            Speaker Bender and Leader Rod entered the Oval Office with gusto.  Bender barely acknowledged the President, his sworn political enemy, while Rod warmly pressed the President’s hand before greeting Fritzgerald.  The four leaders sat down around the President’s desk. 

            “Gentlemen,” the President said to his congressional colleagues, “Fritzgerald has graciously joined us from the North Pole to address the catastrophic effect that the postal strike will have on Christmas if we do not come to an agreement on government funding within the next week.  What can we do to ensure our North Pole friends that Santa will get every Christmas list that he needs?”

            “Well,” Speaker Bender spoke, “thank you for coming all the way from the North Pole, Fritz.  The work Santa and his elves provide to the world is priceless, and we are truly grateful for your services.  Unfortunately, this postal strike is part of a larger political conundrum that has stalemated the government for several years.  The post office has been losing money and recently defaulted on its debt, but Congress refuses to take action.  Government spending is out of control.  Neither Republicans led by myself nor Democrats led by Leader Rod can agree on how to cut government spending in a sensible manner.  We cut a deal two years ago that required the government’s budget to automatically be slashed across the board if no new spending compromises emerged until then.  Naturally, no such compromises worked out, so the automatic budget cuts went into effect.”

            “I understand the nature of the problem, Speaker Bender,” Fritzgerald politely responded. “My question is: How do we solve the problem today so that the North Pole can receive every child’s list in time for the toys to be ready on Christmas?”

            The politicians silently sat and brooded upon Fritzgerald’s simple question.  Unfortunately, the old elf was an outsider to the American political system.  His naïve hope for a new government budget within a week’s time left the other leaders unsure of what to say.  Earlier in October, a government shut down lasted for two weeks and furloughed hundreds of thousands of workers.  Sixteen days passed before Congress reopened the government and agreed to fund it for another three months.    

            “Fritzgerald,” Leader Rod broke the silence, “the fact of the matter is Congress and the President are at a stalement.  Speaker Bender’s party refuses to consider any revenue increases to go along with spending cuts.  My party and the President want a mixture of spending cuts and revenue incr …”

            “Now, wait just a minute!” Speaker Bender erupted.  “You can’t blame this whole thing on Republicans like you have the last four years!  I went as far as offering numerous tax code loopholes that we were willing to close…”

            “Which wouldn’t have been enough to make up for this year’s deficit alone!” Leader Rod interrupted.  “Raising taxes on the wealthy a small amount would go much further to balance the budget, but you refuse to consider…”

            “Gentlemen!” the President chimed in.  “Please.  If Fritzgerald wanted to hear partisan bickering, he would have gone to our budget meeting yesterday afternoon.” 

The President then turned to Fritzgerald.  “I’m afraid there’s no chance of this crisis being averted either today or within a week’s time, Fritzgerald.  As you can see, both sides are too entrenched to give any leeway to reach a compromise that benefits not only the American people, but also the children of the world.  I’m very sorry.”

            Fritzgerald looked into the President’s eyes and sensed his shame.  Speaker Bender and Leader Rod looked at the floor, lost in their thoughts. 

            “Before I return to the North Pole, I want the three of you to think about how disappointed and upset millions of children will be on Christmas morning when they see nothing under their Christmas trees because of this political nonsense.  I know the three of you enjoyed many childhood Christmases because of selfless leaders who put the interests of their people above their own egos.  Thank you for your time.”

November 25^th.  9:30 a.m.  The North Pole. 

            Fritzgerald waited outside of Santa’s office a few minutes before finally breaking the bad news. 

            “Well, how was Washington?” Santa optimistically inquired.

            “Not good, Santa.  The politicians couldn’t even agree to save Christmas.  It’s no wonder they can’t agree on anything else.”

            “I see,” Santa mourned.  “That gives us no choice but to deploy EEPRT.”

            Fritzgerald nodded as he sucked down another candy cane.  It was his one and only vice, but it helped him think clearly in times of distress.  He had to explain how the emergency postal response system would work.

            “EEPRT requires daily surveillance sweeps on homes across the world,” Fritzgerald explained to Santa.  “However, we can minimize our work by asking children to make lists and leave them out for us.  We then have to obtain the lists while the children sleep.”

            Santa listened thoughtfully but was troubled.  “I am concerned that we might end up abusing our surveillance privilege by monitoring children more often they we usually do.  What can we do to balance individual privacy with our need for information?”

            “Quite right,” Fritzgerald nodded.  “My hope is that our notice to children about leaving their lists out will reduce the number of houses we have to spy on.  Our database will keep track of the children we receive lists from and those we don’t.  Our main focus will be on children who haven’t yet submitted Christmas lists.  Given the limited elfpower and time we have for this operation, we can’t make more than two or three sweeps of each household anyway.”

            “So there’s a real risk that some children might not receive presents even if we monitor them?” Santa asked.

            The elf-in-chief nodded.  “I’m afraid so.  Most children still mail in their Christmas lists, despite the prevalence of e-mail.  We can send regular reminders to children who don’t respond, but we can only do so much.”

            Santa stroked his gloriously bushy white beard and nodded.  “Even our mall Santa agents can’t collect every Christmas list in the world.  There is nothing else we can do unless the Postal Service reopens before December 21st.  How will EEPRT function logistically?”

            “EEPRT is labor-intensive because it requires thousands of elves to circle the globe in shifts every day while avoiding satellite detection,” Fritzgerald explained.  “The List Department will observe the non-responding children and update our database of children who do submit Christmas lists.  Based on home assignments that the List group will create, Production Department elves will go out to homes and retrieve the lists.  Production elves will make sure that good children’s lists result in toy procurement.  We should start immediately if we want to make sure that toys are ready by Christmas.  Even then, there’s no guarantee that we will obtain every child’s list and have every request ready by Christmas.  EEPRT will stretch us thin, but it’s all we have.”

            Santa nodded and considered Fritzgerald’s plan.  He looked at his map of the world and glided his coarse hand across its smooth surface.  Tears welled up in Santa’s eyes as he thought of all the boys and girls who relied on him for their happiness.

            “Do it, Fritzgerald.  We haven’t a moment to lose!”

November 25^th – December 21^st. 

            Throughout the following month, Santa’s elves furiously raced to collect children’s Christmas lists from all over the world and produce the toys they requested.  EEPRT worked as well as it could.  Children were delighted to learn that elves would visit their homes to collect Christmas lists.  Most important, however, was the cooperation that children and families across the world provided to Santa, Fritzgerald, and his other helpers to make sure that Christmas was as merry and bright for as many people as possible.  Despite the North Pole’s daily progress with obtaining lists, they still couldn’t reach everyone.  Some children created their Christmas lists just days before Christmas.  For those kids, Santa could only guess what they wanted.  He didn’t want any child to be left behind, but just four days before Christmas, a miracle happened.

December 21st.  9:30 p.m.  Santa’s Office.

            “Well, Fritzgerald,” Santa asked his elf-in-chief.  “How is Christmas looking?”

            “Not bad, Santa.  Current estimates show that using EEPRT our elves have obtained Christmas lists from 95% of the world’s children.”

“That’s fantastic!” Santa boomed.  “Our elves worked around the clock to make it happen.”

“Yes, Santa, but there is some bad news.  Of the world’s 1 billion children who celebrate Christmas, over 50 million children did not have their lists ready.  All of our elves are now fully involved in production, so we can’t spare any personnel to retrieve additional lists.  If the postal system were functioning, those letters could be expedited to us overnight and we would have them in time for Christmas.  Right now, 50 million children will be unhappy on Christmas morning, Santa.”

            Santa sighed and twirled his ponderous beard.  Fritzgerald polished off another candy cane.  The North Pole’s top two elves had reached an impasse four days before Christmas.  There was nothing else they could do to help millions of children who would wake up to barren Christmas trees on December 25^th.  And then, the miracle arrived.

            “Santa!” A voice outside the room cried.  Santa and Fritzgerald swiveled toward the door to see Bremlo, a production manager, huffing and puffing after a marathon run to the office.  “Turn on your TV!”

            Santa’s TV instantaneously switched on to a news channel. 

            “To repeat, the U.S. Congress has finally passed an eleventh-hour bill to end the Postal Service strike.  Cuts to Saturday service and the revocation of a 2006 requirement to prefund employees’ health benefits breathed new life into the struggling service.”

            Santa and Fritzgerald burst with joy.  They jumped up and hugged each other.  Then they hugged Bremlo before the three elves danced in a circle around Santa’s office.  They also caught the news anchor say one more thing.

            “Congressional leaders Rod and Bender said their parties finally came together because of Santa’s top elf, Fritzgerald Figgypudding, who pled for their assistance last month at the White House.  Although the initial meeting with Santa’s elf-in-chief went nowhere, frustrated parents and children from around the world put enough pressure on Capitol Hill to finally take much-needed action.  Way to go, Fritzgerald!”

            Santa beamed when he heard the news.  He spontaneously scooped up his oldest assistance and carried him out of the office and onto the production floor where all 100,000 elves were furiously building, sorting, and packaging toys. 

            “My friends!” Santa boomed to his employees.  “It looks like all the children will have a Merry Christmas after all!  Thanks to Fritzgerald’s leadership, the US Postal Service has reopened and we will finally get those missing lists!  Christmas is saved!”

            The eruption of applause, cheering, and whistling was deafening and furious.  For so long the elves had fretted over the millions of children who would not enjoy Christmas because their lists would not arrive at the North Pole on time.  Now their fears were laid to rest.

December 24^th.  11:45 p.m. 

            Santa donned his warm red suit and checked his loaded sleigh.  Rudolf stood at the front of the reindeer pack testing his nose to make sure his red light was bright and clear.  Fritzgerald and Mrs. Claus looked on as Santa boarded his gigantic sleigh.

            “How did we do, Fritzgerald?” Santa inquired.  “Will every child be accounted for tonight?”

            “Yes, sir!” the old elf jubilantly replied.  “We quickly sorted through the backlog of mail and pulled out the Christmas lists we hadn’t yet received.  Toys were prepared for those children and now they are ready to go.  We just barely made the deadline, but this year’s Christmas will be bright for children everywhere.”

            Santa looked at Fritzgerald and smiled.  Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought of all the children whose Christmas would be happier thanks to Fritzgerald’s efforts.

            “What would I do without you, Fritzgerald?” Santa asked.

            “Have a safe trip, Santa,” the modest elf-in-chief replied.  “I’ll be on the Santa Com if you need me.”

            Santa wiped away the tears from his eyes as he grabbed the reins.  A spontaneous laugh ushered forth from the joy old elf as his sleigh lifted off into the night.

            “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

~The End~

Summer 2013

My grandfather died 7 years ago today.  I also observed my great-aunt's one-year death anniversary two days ago.  He was 85.  She was 92.  I didn't know either person too well, but they were still important to me in their own ways.  They were part of the World War II generation.  Those people are mostly gone, yet their influence continues to shape our daily lives.

I have been reading John Adams by David McCullough.  It's a fascinating story.  People who lived during the American Revolution had less modern conveniences than we do today.  They lived under constant threat of destruction by the world's superpower at the time - the British.  How lucky we are in 2013 to live in a country that has no overlord.  It would be nice to live in a world without overlords, but that won't happen for a long time, if ever.

I would like to do more with my life to help others, so that's a goal I'm working on.  There is no shortage of things to do.  It's just a matter of focusing on those things and making them happen. 

Does anyone still read this blog?  I used to have at least one or two readers.  It would be nice to hear from you again. 

Hasta luego!

20 Years After Link's Awakening

One of my favorite video games of all time was released 20 years ago this year (June 6, 1993 in Japan, according to Wikipedia).  That game is Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening.  My older brother, Chris, brought it home in 1994 when he got his first Game Boy as a birthday present.  It was the first Nintendo game that anyone in my immediate family ever owned.

Link's Awakening begins dramatically with a small wooden ship being tossed about a violent ocean with thunder and lightning booming all around the helpless vessel.  The screen then cuts to a close-up shot of Link, our pointy-eared protagonist whose ship then disappears after a massive lightning bolt strikes it.  The screen fades to white...

Some time later, a young girl stumbles upon Link, whose limp body lays washed up on a beach.  The camera soon cranes up to a mountain at the summit of which sits a gargantuan egg.  Say what?  Yes, a majestic white egg with spots all over it. 

If the memorable opening does not endear the game to you, then the gameplay, music, and plot will.  To this day, 20 years after the game first came out, I still have not seen everything that Link's Awakening has in store.  Yes, I finally beat the game last year after adding the task to my bucket list, but I still haven't completed the entire overworld map or found all of the game's secret seashells, among other things.

What most appeals to me about Link's Awakening after all this time is its milieu of mystery.  Throughout the game, characters refer to dreams as if the entire story itself were nothing more than the product of Link's deep sleep somewhere on the ocean.  There's the soothing Ballad of the Wind Fish that Marin sings in Mabe Village, the eerie House of Dreams, Kanalet Castle and the golden leaves therein, the ghostly House by the Bay, quirky Animal Village, the friendly mermaid, the creepy shop owner, rocky Tal Tal Heights, the sagely owl, and the dynamic wind instruments that ultimately combine to awaken the dormant Wind Fish.

Link's Awakening is a game I will never forget.  I often hear its playful melodies in my mind and cannot help but think of a distant place called Koholint Island.  On that mystical isle, life is but a dream.

2013

I planned on writing in December, but time ran away from me.  My plan was to publish another Christmas story, but I was not able to finish the story by Christmas, so I will put it up later this year.  Hopefully.

Time.  There's never enough of it, especially as I become older.  Responsibilities and to-do's add up.  Time for fun diminishes.  Every day I feel like I'm racing against the clock, even on Sundays when I have no work or class.  It's like the end of "Bram Stoker's Dracula" where Harker's men are chasing after Dracula to his castle at sunset.  The men hope to destroy Dracula before nightfall when the vampire regains his full powers.  For those of you who haven't seen the movie or read "Dracula", I won't give anything specific away.  The point is that every day I feel like Harker chasing after Dracula, just barely able to accomplish what I set out to do.

There is a lot going on in life, most of which needs no explanation here.  Those of you who are close to me know what's up.  I'm most looking forward to graduating from school, celebrating Angie's wedding, and visiting Caroline's family this year.  Life is a gift that I try not to waste.  Some days are up, some days are down, and most days are both.  All I can do is make the most of each day.  Make lemonade with lemons.  One of my former classmates was recently diagnosed with leukemia and is undergoing chemotherapy.  She is in tremendous pain every day.  I think of her daily and hope that one day she can look back on these dark days with no recollection of the physical torment she experienced on the road to recovery.  How quickly life can change from normal to something we never expected.

2013 began with the fiscal cliff crisis and President Obama's inauguration.  I am concerned for America's future.  Political gridlock, soaring debt, and a sluggard economy have hindered a country that was once at the top of the world, at least economically.  Opportunities are sparse and disillusionment is high.  In these times we need to keep our hopes up and spirits high, despite the gray reality of everyday life.  I'm focusing on discrete steps I can take each day to accomplish my goals.  Like what Richard Dreyfuss told Bill Murray in "What About Bob?", I'm taking baby steps.

Come baby step with me into a bold new year.

Interview with Santa Claus

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am honored to present a very special interview that I had with the world's most famous toymaker and deliverer.  You know him as Santa Claus, but just about every country in the world has its own name for him.  I asked Santa your questions, and he graciously answered them.  Without further ado, the jolly old elf from the North Pole.

ME: Good morning, Santa.  How are you today?

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  I'm fine, young man.  And how are you?

ME: Fine thanks.  Let's get right to the readers' questions, Santa.

SANTA: Very good!  As you know, I'm used to answering questions.  I get them from kids and adults all the time. 

ME: Great.  Let's start with the basics.  Where and when were you born? 

SANTA: I was born in the Turkish city of Patara in the year 270.  It was a beautiful port city on the Mediterranean coast.  I have wonderful memories of that place.

ME: Wow.  So that means you're over 1,700 years old?  How is that possible? 

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  Yes, indeed, I am on the old side.  Many have wondered how I've lived so long.  The secret is milk and cookies. 

ME: With all due respect, Santa, that sounds a bit hard to believe.  I mean, milk and cookies aren't exactly the healthiest foods.  It's hard to see how they alone would allow a man to live as long as you have. 

SANTA: Well, you're quite right, Jimmy.  The real answer to your question is the same as the answer to the question about how I'm able to deliver presents to over two billion children.  I honestly don't know why I'm still alive or why I can do what I do, but I believe that I'm here for a purpose and that until I've fulfilled my purpose, I'll continue to make children everywhere as happy as I can.

ME: Fair enough.  Now, Santa, how did you get into the toy delivery business and how has your job changed over the last, er, 1,700 years? 

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  My parents were well-to-do members of the community, but they died when I was young, so my uncle, who was the bishop of Patara, raised me.  He got me involved with the Catholic church, and I enjoyed my time there.  I eventually became a priest and did all that I could to fulfill my desire to help those less fortunate than me, especially children.  Over the years, as people learned about my work, demand increased across the world, so I needed to come up with a global system for delivering gifts to children.  That's when I trekked far north so I could build essentially my own town where brave, industrious elves helped me fulfill demand.  It's turned out to be quite an enterprise.

ME: I'll say.  How do you deliver toys to an ever-increasing number of children while the number of hours each Christmas Eve remain the same? 

SANTA: I'd tell you, Jimmy, but then Jack Frost would have to chill you.  Ho ho ho!

ME: [laughs]  Nice North Pole joke there, Santa.  I'm guessing you don't have an answer as to how you deliver toys to an increasing number of kids all over the world?

SANTA: I'm afraid not.  If I did, I'd tell you.  All I can say is that once I leave the North Pole with the reindeer, I stop at billions of homes, settlements, teepees, trailers, tenements, and other dwellings all throughout the night.  I'm tired when I come home, but for me, I don't feel any worse than someone would after a regular eight-hour day at work.

ME: That's just extraordinary, Santa.  Just thinking about visiting 100 homes a night sounds daunting to me, never mind over a billion.  What keeps your job interesting to you?

SANTA: Well, it certainly isn't the pay.  Ho ho ho!  A little more North Pole humor for you.  Honestly, it's how happy the presents make the children.  That's what motivates me.  I get millions of letters, e-mails, texts, phone calls, faxes, and other forms of communication every year, and they never cease to delight me.  Making children happy is what I was born to do.  It's in my DNA.

ME: Before you go, Santa, what are some of the most memorable years that you've delivered presents during? 

SANTA: Oh gosh.  The most memorable times, I think, were some of the most harrowing.  Going back to my earliest days, I remember the declining Roman influence throughout Europe in the 300s and 400s and the subsequent invasions of the Germanic tribes for several hundred years afterwards.  Then there were the Crusades that brought a lot of socioeconomic turmoil to Europe.  Even though I was a priest of the church for a long time, I wholly opposed war, even if its purpose was supposedly holy.  Later came the Black Plague, which wiped out at least 1/3 of Europe's population, in the mid-1300s.  What an awful time that was.  I remember the Hundred Years' War that raged on into the fifteenth century.  Things improved a bit for a while in the 1400s and 1500s, but I remember the 1600s being another unsettling time.  The exploration of America, wars all over Europe and the Middle East, and the slow decline of Christianity helped make the world a more insecure place.  There have been plenty of wars over the last 400 years, but none were worse than the World Wars of the twentieth century.  By that time, I was delivering toys worldwide.  Travel was so dangerous during those years that I had to avoid certain areas for fear of being shot down by airplanes or tanks.  It was an incredibly frightening time.

ME: Unbelievable.  You're a living time machine, Santa, and you've seen more than the rest of the world combined.  Do you have a Christmas message for all the readers out there?

SANTA: Ho ho ho!  Certainly.  All I ask is that people treat each other with respect and courtesy every day of the year, not just on Christmas.  Remember that life is short and we are all weak, so be the best person you can to your fellow beings, even if they don't always reciprocate your kindness.  Some people feel disillusioned around Christmastime because they don't associate with its religious nature or commercial orientation.  I can't deny the religious and commercial thrust of Christmas, but I think those people should try to think of it more as a period of reflection on the rest of the year and their future.  It is a time to think about where we've been and where we would like to go.  It is a time to reflect on humanity and all of the great gifts that have been bestowed upon us, even those who greatly suffer.  There is always something to be thankful for, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.  Christmas is the season of light, a bright spot in an otherwise dreary month.  Why go out of your way to shun a holiday because it is popular?  Christmas is a time for us to open our shut-up hearts, as Charles Dickens said in his lovely Christmas Carol.  We are all fellow passengers to the grave.  Instead of fighting and plotting against each other, why not work together for the common good?  Only then can we make the kind of progress on so many fronts that we hope to achieve.  Every year that is my Christmas wish.  Things are improving, but not fast enough.  1,700 years has given man great technology and more knowledge, but he still struggles with how to treat his fellow man.

Me: Well, thank you for the words of wisdom, Santa.  It's been a genuine pleasure talking to you.

Santa: My pleasure, Jimmy.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the workshop.  I only have about a month to wrap things up before the big day next month!  Ho ho ho!

Me: Of course.  Merry Christmas, Santa!

Santa: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!